Hey, Teachers: If Connecting With Students Isn’t Your Top Priority, It Should Be
I’ve been teaching high school social studies for two decades. I’ve had my ups and my downs, for sure. I’ve put together some inspiring, highly engaging lessons, as well as some snooze-fest clunkers. It’s taken this long for me to realize that all the curriculum mapping, lesson planning, professional development, and content research I do means absolutely nothing if I can’t connect with my students.
It means nothing if they don’t know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am genuinely interested in them and their stories. That I genuinely care about them and their situations—no matter how similar or different they are to mine. That I find them interesting, not just as students, but as unique beings capable of unique thoughts.
I’m convinced that we’ve been doing this teaching thing the wrong way for quite some time. We’ve been obsessed with teachers being heard, as if our voice is irrefutably the most important voice in any given classroom. We ask questions like, “How do we make sure teachers speak in a way that grabs students’ attention?” and “How do we train students to be good listeners so they can really hear what teachers are saying?”
I believe those are the wrong questions to ask. And we ask them because our focus is (and always has been) on what we have to say.
When I was a newbie teacher, I’d get docked during evaluations because students were not listening to me 100% of the time. Why weren’t my principals and department heads encouraging me to listen more to my students? I can’t help but think I’d be a successful teacher much sooner if they had.
Just to be clear: I’m not insisting that teachers listen to students merely for the sake of it. I’m pushing for it because I’m convinced it’s an essential first step toward developing positive relationships with students. And that is essential to having a safe, warm classroom in which students are motivated to learn, teach, participate, and express themselves.
On that note, all this really depends on the type of classroom teachers want to have.
If you’re a teacher and you’re aiming for an environment in which you are the alpha whatever and everyone else in the room simply does as they are told, then forget about establishing a connection with students.
And forget about enjoying your workday.
Unfortunately, I have zero statistical proof that teachers who actively seek to connect with their students end up having more successful students. I wish I could point to a collection of improved test scores, or lower dropout rates, or even better attendance records to help make my case.
But I can’t.
What I do have, however, is a ton of anecdotal evidence that students who believe they matter to their teacher end up caring more about their performance in class and, as a result, trying harder.
They end up significantly more engaged in pretty much every activity within the classroom setting.
They end up allowing themselves to be vulnerable during those not-so-easy discussions on important issues, thus leading to a vibrant and oh-so-entertaining environment.
They end up viewing their teacher as someone who is on their side, someone who is hell-bent on their academic, social, and emotional growth.
If you’re a teacher and that’s what you want for and from your students, I suggest you start by actively trying to connect with them. And if you have absolutely no clue what that looks like or how to do it, start with this article. Or this one.
The truth is that if you really want to connect with your students and develop positive relationships, it’ll happen. They’ll appreciate your effort, and you’ll get better at it as time goes by.
If you’re a teacher who is tired of teaching being a struggle, tired of dreading that roomful of frustrated, intentional non-learners, put effort into establishing positive relationships with your students through the process of connection.
They want, need, and deserve nothing less.